Step 1: Identify the Stated Source of Conflict
To identify the stated source of conflict, you must be open to hearing input from others. One of the reasons why conflicts escalate is because one party reacts very negatively. The techniques presented for this first step of the collaborative approach will help you start off on the right foot when approaching a conflict. Select each button to learn techniques for reacting appropriately to conflict and finding the stated source of conflict.
Recognize “hot buttons,” in other words actions or statements that cause an emotional response in you or others. These may be phrases or issues that you know from experience cause you or others to react angrily or defensively. By recognizing these hot buttons, you’ll be less likely to react emotionally or cause highly emotional responses in others. If you’re the third party managing a conflict, you should also be aware of other people’s “hot buttons.”
First, pause and allow emotions to simmer down before responding. By allowing time between responses, you or the parties for whom you’re managing the conflict will produce more thoughtful and less charged responses. In this situation, you can create a pause by asking the two sides to take a moment, or you can just pause for a moment yourself.
Rewind the tape by asking others to clarify their response. This can be as simple as restating another person’s sentence. The goal of rewinding the tape is to ensure that all parties involved are clear on the source of conflict before moving on. This technique is also particularly important if you’re managing the conflict as a third party, because it ensures that you’re on the same page as the conflicting parties.